How To Drink To Lose The Lonja
Good news mi gente; you don't have to give up your tequilita to lose the lonjita. Check it out...
First of all, it's not actually the alcohol that makes you fat. In fact:
Your body can't even store calories from alcohol.
So here's what happens:
When you drink, your "poisoned" body stops using food (and mixers) for fuel and stores it as fat instead.
So the goal when drinking is to poison yourself LESS.
Choose alcohols that are super distilled, like quadruple-distilled vodka or gin.
Alcohols that have been distilled several times are easier on the liver = less poisoning.
You can also find whiskeys that have been triple or quadruple distilled - the more the better.
Super distilled alcohol has fewer congeners, which are hangover-causing chemicals found in darker-colored liquors, like bourbon.
Choose white instead of red wine.
I know people always are recommending that you drink red wine because it has antioxidants, but it also has sulfites and histamines, which cause inflammation. So, poison.
We've all heard that tequila helps you lose weight. (I mean, it was like one study, on mice, but still, the mice lost weight.)
BUT NOT ALL TEQUILAS ARE MADE EQUAL.
If it doesn't say 100% agave on the label, it's probably 49% high fructose corn syrup. Which is poison.
Hangovers make you fat.
Cruda doesn't just ruin your day, it also makes you fat.
When you're hungover, you don't want Herbalife, quieres chingarte three bowls of pozole, a breakfast burrito, and a michelada.
Are you gonna hit the gym? Nope.
Here are some hacks...
NIVEL EASY: Drink clear liquids.
Drink only super-distilled alcohol and alternate every drink with a glass of water.
NIVEL AVANZADO: Take a glutamine supplement when you drink.
Alcohol depletes the glutamine in your brain, which then bounces back HARD. The bounce-back makes your brain crazy active, which is why even if you pass out after drinking, your brain is wired, and you wake up EXHAUSTED.
NIVEL EXPERT: Green juice.
Apparently, kale is an alcohol poison antidote, so keep one of those green juices in the fridge to chug before bed. Yeah, they cost like $7, but your waistline is worth it.
ADIÓS LONJA; HELLO WEEKEND.